Do you like what you see?

It has been a few days since my last post. I just haven't had a burning desire to tackle any particular subject. I guess I do now.

I have been thinking about how most people feel more comfortable with a false perception of people. If I can even explain this, it would go something like this: Most people would like to know less about you and even a false picture of you, so that it is comfortable, rather than real.

I believe that most people do not enjoy intellectual debate. This is evidenced by the mere drivel that people often talk about. I can't really discuss the latest American Idol or Dancing with the Stars episode, I don't do T.V. People are shocked that my kids and I do not have cable (not in our area, we have satellite available only, and we don't subscribe). I don't even know half the people on the magazines. As I stand at the checkout counters, I laugh now, because the pictures and headlines are so crazy. These facts of our media consumption, limit us to shallow talk. I sense that my work friends, do not have the time nor inclination to discuss, "heavy topics". Most teens just watch worthless Youtube videos, when they are on the Internet, and seem to spend to rest of the time texting each other in some kind of misspelled short hand. I can sense that even my "well "of vocabulary is drying up from lack of use. What happened to using words as an art form? I am worried that we will all being talking like a Dr. Seuss book, limited to 100 of the simplest vocabulary words that are used most often.

If words are useful to express how we think, are we thinking less now, because we use less words?

I also become so bogged down with life sometimes, that I just do not want to think. Everybody feels this. Let's just put in a DVD, an IPod, search the Internet, play video games, rather than interact with a person. It's just too much effort to connect with people. We live in a remote area. Most people out here do not get together very often. We don't have people over, or they us. We don't have places to gather with others either. Even when we do get together, it is cocktail type conversation. I don't know if you had this, but us college kids would sit for hours and discuss the state of the world, us, the future, etc. That was an extremely self indulgent, but a big part of our lives. Now I feel like these most people and I have the People magazine version of discussions. As Jeff Goldblume in "The Big Chill" says about "People Magazine", the stories are long enough to cover the facts in the time that a person sits on the toilet (don't know the exact quote-remember I am a big picture person, not exact quotes). That is the extent of most of my face to face interactions with people. Say what you have to say in the depth and time that it takes for one crap. Well, that is crap to me.

No one wants to risk exposing themselves. In a climate of mistrust and judgement, we have an image to uphold: To be something we are not, to satisfy whom?

Take me as I am, the title to a song, is my credo. I try to live with little falsehoods, I probably keep a few though. This is due to the fact that I cannot stand false people. Trust and honesty are very important to me. These factors often cause me to be very disappointed in others. I believe this is the reason others protect themselves by not exposing themselves to others. What a risk it is to show who you really are, and then have someone reject you.

I believe that we are a land of imitation products. Fake butter, fake boobs, fake pictures, fake people. I want real things. Real food, real bodies, real scenes captured, real flawed people, real wood, real air, and so forth. I think living in the back country makes me feel this way. I am removed from the "city" and the concerns of it. Life does not revolve around my clothes, my car, my house, my TV, cell phone, restaurants or entertainment I go to, causes I profess on my bumper sticker, or places I travel. These are all lovely things and I love to hear about them, but it is not who I am, or you are. That is what you have and do. Who are you? What makes you tick? I think there is less pause to reflect on this. This is why I think I like this new medium of blogging and writing posts on the forum I visit. I have rekindled my passion for thoughts:mine and others. The only component missing, is meeting with people face to face to discuss these issues or even not discuss them.

I long for human connection of a meaningful kind. Why do most interactions with people seem surface level at best? When I was younger, I had room fulls of people to choose from as my friends. Now that I am older, they are people of circumstance: jobs, school parents, etc. Don't get me wrong, I have tons of acquaintances, but that is exactly what I think they are. Nothing more and nothing less. A true friend, like I had when I was younger. I have my husband and he is my best friend. Is that why I do not have another?

I will go forth, I will be real, I will say what other people probably wouldn't say...out loud, and let's just see what happens.

I am gaining the courage I respect to let people see me in whatever light they wish to see me. I have amazingly felt the need to be strong and not hide that I am a dominant woman and lead my husband. That is who I am and my jobs can take the hit, if people judge me for it. My neighbors can judge me if they want, my family, my acquaintances, whomever. I will not compromise and hide such a vital part of me. Not everyone would do it this way, but I will. I won't go out of my way to open this part of me up, but neither will I hide it.

As one of my favorite Queen songs says, "I'm free from your lies, you're so self-satisfied, I don't need you! I want to be free. I've got to be free". While harsh, it is the truth.

You be the judge...I am okay with that. Even if you don't agree!

I welcome comments.

Cheryl