I am in an Female Led Relationship.
Was it what you expected? I have learned that you can't really expect anything. Each relationship has different ways of going about it. My sub hub and I are exploring what works for us. The best thing I have found, is that you find a community of supportive people to bounce ideas off of, now and again. I may not do everything listed by everyone, but have found trial and error to be the way for us.
I notice that a lot of woman are led to an FLR through their husband's desires. Most often, this involves his fantasies and/or kink. I am intrigued that some woman realize that they have a need to be the dominant and then search for a man to fill this need. I wonder if this changes the dynamic of the relationship in such a way that the experience is different. Of course I know that there is no "one way" of an FLR, I merely wonder if the mindset causes the entire experience to change.
I feel lucky, because I already have a man. A man who loves and adores me. He already desires to submit and serve me. He also does not question my leadership. He doesn't just desire fantasy. He does not pay lip-service to me; he actually wants me to be in charge. I have recently witnessed and/or heard about relationships where the man says he wants a dominant woman, but he really just wants to lead a woman to do the things that he wants. I do not feel that this would be fulfilling for either party. That is very similar to how Joe and I first started. I did not know what it was all about, and Joe never experienced what a true female led relationship was, he always was a little unsatisfied with the result. I never felt the deep connection either, because that was just another game we played in the bedroom.
When I fully came to realize what this all meant, everything changed. The depth of feelings on both sides is incredible. I can know, with all my heart and soul, that Joe lives and breathes for me. He desires to make my life easier, more blessed, more fulfilled. I adore his devotion to me. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like I am a bit lazy or selfish, once in a while. These messages put in my head from my family, society, wherever, are hard to silence. They do get quieter, but I think like any bad habit, it can take awhile to change.
I am in a Female Led Relationship! What power it is to say it out loud.
Why should we hide our true selves? Why should this be weird? I find it sad that we will face the judgement and ridicule from others. But then again, why shouldn't we, since I was judgemental about other things before and will be again in the future. I guess the real issue is to learn to temper that judgement. Learn to be more willing to accept others ourselves. Generally, I notice it is a matter of walk the walk and talk the talk. If you act like it is okay, others don't usually have a problem with it either.
The most interesting element of our change, is that the more open I am about myself being in a Female Led Relationship, the less I feel the need to write about it. I think that writing originally let me "figure out" a lot of ideas about FLRs. The act of writing was tied to thinking, solving, reflecting. Now that I am with a bunch of people who share certain ideals. I am no longer stifled to act or feel any particular way, and so I am free to be exactly who I am. This takes away the necessity to write anything much on the subject. It is as if, the FLR has become a part of my being. I am no longer unresolved or questioning. I still will be curious and still wish to share; but I feel the dynamic has changed. That's nice. Is this what I've been waiting for? Like the FLR itself, I did not know it; but, yes I think it is what I have been waiting for all this time.
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