Death and Mortgages

I have a couple things that I wish to ruminate over today.



The first is back to the discussion on suicide. Strangely enough, probably while I was watching the movie, "The Bridge" and posting my reactions on it; Joe's girl pal from high school committed suicide. Coincidence? Probably not!


They grew up in a small community. She married young and had three children. She was the gal that held my Joey's heart first.

I do not even know what to write today I on this; I just write something and then wait. The same lack of understanding comes back, just like before. I love to solve out things and I just can't let something go if I only have partial information. I'm like a terrier with a bone! I will try to sleuth out more information.

Being from a small town, her daughter is dating Joey's cousin. He is not that much younger than Joey, so his mother was a little concerned about age. My husband's family will therefore, probably find out more information. I believe that some information will come to light in time: some information never will. The question remains: how can things get so bad, that a mother of three will end it all?



The other subject was generated on a forum from the website I follow, "She Makes the Rules".

It is a thread on Co housing. I have only a couple of exposures to this idea. The first time I heard of this concept was when my Grandparents moved into a situation like this back east. They come from a small town in Connecticut. Unlike California, I may be generalizing here, the New Engenders don't shuttle their old off to places where they can't be seen. Maybe because the old things are still valued, the old people are more valued as well. I just sense a more, "I am too busy" to deal with older people out here. We have communities for Active Seniors , which are respected, but I think there are less hopeful communities for the seniors who are less active.



My grandparents community was set up and built by the town. It provided quality affordable housing for parent/relatives of the community members. Each house was one of four units connected by a communal laundry area. Each unit had a locking door that went into the shared laundry area. Each unit had emergency pulls on the wall, in case someone needed assistance in the bath or even in the other rooms. The gardening and upkeep was provided in
the rent costs and a community room was available for potlucks, game nights, and so forth. My favorite part was that the library, church and stores were close by, so my grandpa could walk, since he had not had a car in forever. When his eye sight became really bad: neighbors would drive him, or church friends would stop to help out. Being a proud man, he would not let them do too much, but they were clever enough to get around that. Some of the young gals would openly boast about their love for my gram and gramps. They thought my gramps was the nicest gentleman and would do anything for him. My grams was a pistol and they would laugh at her outbursts. I'll delve into these personality traits later: it is a mirror of Joey and I . This co housing worked for the seniors. It worked for their families. The families could lead their own lives, without the seniors directly underfoot. The connection was still there and most family members came and went weekly.



I think that this arrangement would only work for me when I was older, because it was worse than when I lived on a cul de sac. Everyone knew every one's business. They watched who came and went, they squabbled, albeit nicely, about who was washing and when, this was the focus of their days. I do not like being watched that closely. I feel claustrophobic and trapped by obligations. In my endless need to please others, I would be a prisoner in my own home. That is why co housing would confine me.



The other group of co housers I know of, are in a group from San Fransisco. These free spirits were a group of friends that had a like philosophy in healthy living and alternative health practices.

I do not know if I have this all correct, but here goes: they pooled money together to buy up a large tract of land in Colorado. Each couple then received a portion of the land, that was in size relation to their investment/future debt obligations. They each built a house on their land and lived as separate/ closely as they wanted. Many stayed and gained employment here. Some were not happy about the winters, some had adjustment issues, some became divorced. Like a respondent to the post mentioned, what do you do when it is time to sell? They have this issue happen to them. With the market the way it is, outsiders are moving in, the individual home sellers just want to preserve their investment. The "experiment" no longer works and is now more like a bunch of friends who may or may not live closely to each other. Even when they spaced everybody out over many acres from each other, the idea was difficult.

I think that this is often a more difficult proposition for Americans to tackle. I had an Au Pair from Sweden for one year. When I went to visit her, she lived with her parents in their home. This housing project was a bunch of houses around a grassy square. A number of these squares made up a community. The community house was available for childcare for kids infant to about 6 as a preschool during the day, and available for community use at night. Bike paths and roads connected this all together to the community. The Swedes seemed to have a healthy combination of Independence and interdependence. Maybe those long dark winters help people to appreciate each other's company more. I myself do not know if I could be happy this close to each other; but, I am an American. Fierce Independence and elbow room is my credo, ha ha. I also believe that as we age/over time, feelings and beliefs can change. I wouldn't want to live around my friends from college 24/7, my friends from my first teaching jobs/ my church friends through the years, and so on. My interests change, my values change, my friends change, heck even my husbands changed. I wouldn't want to move for each group. Although, I have moved into areas for schools, prestige, open land, jobs, and affordability. I guess these issues drive my housing decisions more.

Well, I finished the post I started yesterday. I've lost the direction I am going and not that committed to my own topic anymore...I will end it here.
I will jump in somewhere else.
Til later,
Queen2Joey