A Land of Discovery

I am at the end of my second trip to Portland. Joe and I were here maybe a month ago. It is amazing to me, to that so much has happened in such a short time.

What do I refer to now? Well, I feel like it has been a voyage of self discovery. We, as a couple, enjoy a Female Led Relationship. I love that my husband allows me to make the decisions for us as a couple. I may not make all the decisions, thank God, but I have the final word. Joe is the ultimate man. He is caring and kind; strong and able to tackle most problems. He loves to make me happy and he cooks! I love that he will excite me with his tenderness and concern for me. I am a lucky girl.
We also have a little kink in the bedroom. While some fear it, I embrace it. My man is so turned on by the way I tease and deny him. I can play to the masochist in him in so many ways. I am actually surprised by my reactions to this. I feel a thrill when he is enjoying a whipping, or caning. Discipline is used for bad behavior, and general play completes the picture. I like to "play" with him in so many ways. I don't plan it out, but take it as I go. I think most people would be surprised at the fun we have with this type of play. I know that it really floats Joe boat, so how could it be bad?!

Not everything we do is for everyone. I know that many people would be absolutely shocked at the next part of our relationship. We have begun a relationship with a third person. Just like when I met Joe, I have developed a quick and somewhat deep relationship online with another man.
Joe satisfies me very deeply. He does have limitations. His arthritis makes it impossible for him to do many sexual things with me. He can't raise his arms very high, he can't support weight on his knees, and bending is not his forte. While this has never been a "problem" for us, it has been recently seen as something I do miss after all. I only know this, because this new man and I are conversing about our fantasies and what we will do when we meet. This has stirred in me, new and old longings.
The strangest part of all, is that it does not seem like "cheating" or any different than another component of our kink in our marriage. I am very hot for this new man, but he knows about my marriage and has spoken with Joe via the phone. Joe is very hot because I am. He also likes the way that this relationship pushes his sub-buttons. As I read the contents of our online communications, he becomes very aroused. This cyber relationship does much to stimulate our respective juices. Even the new guy is getting off on this dynamic. He has included ideas to exclude Joe, which includes Joe. That part surprised me; we never really leave the fact that I am married. It is fact that we gleefully dance around.

I used to wonder what was "in it" for the two guys. I no longer do, so much. I mean look at what I get. A devoted loving husband and a totally turned on man to have jungle sex with me. What's the downside? Well, not much. My husband is more turned on than ever, because he knows that this relationship is allowing him to make him feel more "unworthy" of me. I adore him, so this does not provide him with the need he feels, to make him feel degraded and unworthy. The new guy is getting the thrill of taking away from another man. He is also getting the best sex talk and acts that one can provide. I also don't take up as much time as a full time relationship.

The difference with this cyber relationship, is that it will not only be in cyber space. My boyfriend and I are going to meet. We will actually be together in all senses of the word. I can tell and hope that this will be quite a meeting. We know we are going to have sex together. Joe knows it as well. This intimate act for two people has become intimate for three people. Why do I say that? Well, the whole construct includes Joe, even though he won't be present. We taunt him with the fact that this will happen. Believe me, this does not make Joe mad, but actually excites him. He loves that my guy is reving me up.

My boyfriend is going to provide me with the parts of sex that I currently do not have. He will, in theory, outlast Joe and give me a more athletic version of sexual intercourse. Trust me, that part is terrific. The other terrific part is the thrill of contacting each other and sharing our fantasies and desires. This is ultimately shared with all parties. I am pleasantly surprised, that Joe is always in our minds. What will he think or do? Or, not do with me as the case will be. My boyfriend will get privileges with me, that we are going to deny Joe with, for awhile. While I have never been a shrinking violet, I am happily pleased that I have opened a new way of thinking and talking with the new man. I am a dirty girl. I talk about "dirty" things and love it. I wouldn't do this with Joe in the same way. I guess that different relationships grow and develop in there own ways with their own rules.

In any event, it is one of the most exciting things to happen to all three of us, I believe. I don't let Joe talk about this topic, because although he is part of it, he is also excluded by it. I do want to keep some of this private, because I do not feel that everyone will understand it, nor do I want my private life with my boyfriend to be out for public consumption. It is that exciting!

Thank you both! On to discovering more!